Nothing. Locked. Shit.You scramble to your hip for your handgun and nearly lose your grip, but ha, its still in your hand. You aim at the handle and fire, once, twice, sending a fresh wave of excited cheers through the monkeys above.You slam your shoulder into the broken door and barrel through just as the creature leaps at you.You curse and scramble back on your ass, watching it flail and roar and reach for you, hunger in its dark eyes - but it's stuck. It's too wide, and its body is jammed between the house and the thick fence on its left.It nicks your forearm with the tip of its claw and you curse at it, scrambling further back and finally pulling your rifle off your shoulder. The old thing is rickety, held together with tape and prayers by this point, but it does the job as you point it at the creature’s head and fire.Bang. Bang. Fuck, still moving. Bang.The third shot finally stills the damn thing and it slumps, a furious look still etched into its maw. You breathe heavily and. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises."I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,"Manicures, $20.00." Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.The next machine had a sign that read, "This machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 cents."The salesman.
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